relationship
Hello baby
It had been about three months since we told my parents about JT and today they’d meet him in person.
It was crazy to think how much of a part of my life this little guy was; yet my parents had never witnessed it.
I had taken on the role of being a mom when JT was with Steve and I. By no means was I trying to replace his biological mother, but I was going to do my best to love and care for him, like any good mom would.
This sweetheart really challenged our relationship, not because he was difficult, but because we really had to work together when he was in our care. We had to communicate, coordinate, and operate in a tag team fashion. When one of us was playing with him, the other one would be preparing his food. While one of us was changing his diapers, the other one could take a minute to rest.
Steve was so playful with JT and I could see how much they loved each other. He got a kick out of making him laugh doing the silliest things.
Now changing dirty diapers was a different story. Steve’s stomach couldn’t handle the mess, so I would voluntarily change his diapers. Steve and I complimented each other in our child rearing.
It was May 1, 2011 and my parents arrived at my house and we anxiously awaited the arrival of Steve and JT.
Steve had picked him up and drove to my house. I heard the upstairs door open. I went upstairs to help him carry the diaper bag as my parents anxious awaited seeing JT for the first time.
The three of us came downstairs. One look at JT and my mom got teary-eyed and my dad smiled and I knew that they were hooked!
His sweet baby cheeks, wild hair that couldn’t be tamed and wore a grin identical to his daddy’s…
I was so proud in that moment. I was proud of Steve because he was such a great dad. He would do anything for JT and he worked hard to provide for his son. He loved him so much. He prayed for him, gave him love and attention, taught him things, gave him correction when needed. He took parenting seriously and wanted to instill in him strong Christian values. We prayed before our meals as a family and before feeding JT. He would eventually understand what praying was all about.
My heart was beaming with joy. Not only did I love Steve, but I loved JT. To think that there was a time when I questioned if this life was really what God had planned for me…fast-forward and there we were. My boys and I spending time with my parents, JT’s potential future grand parents!
Steve and I played with JT and shared with my parents what he was like, what he likes to do, his latest achievements in baby world.
My parents took turns holding him and playing with him. JT was checking them out…who are these people?
We had an amazing day as a family that day. JT even fell asleep on my dad’s lap.
This day couldn’t have been any better. I went to bed that night with happy heart that was overflowing with love. God had blown my mind.
Have you had moments in your life, that from the surface didn’t make any sense, but you later realized that what was planned for your life was incredible?
Isaiah 55:8 says: “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD.
My challenge to you today is to reflect on the perceived rough patches of your life. Perhaps what frustrates or pains you right now could be a blessing that has yet to be discovered.
After all, His ways are not our ways, and your Father knows best.
I Licorice You
The beans were finally spilled. Both Steve and I could heave a sigh of relief! We didn’t have to keep things a secret any longer.
I finally felt like I could move forward to some degree in our relationship.
Valentine’s Day was approaching, so I figured I should get Steve some sort of card. I needed a card that communicated how important he was to me, without totally spilling my guts to him.
As you know, he had already told me that he loved me, and you guessed it, I still hadn’t told him.
There were times when Steve would tell me that he loved me, and I almost threw it out there that I loved him too.
One time I even started the sentence, “Steve I… (Oh my gosh, am I really going to say this?) I…l—ic oa yoo.”
“Ha ha, what did you say?” he prodded.
“Oh nothing!”
“Did you just say you licorice me?” he chuckled.
“No, of course I didn’t.”
It was as if the words I love you would bubble up like a pot ready to boil over, and then suddenly the words wouldn’t come. The heat was turned down and I had nothing to say.
He didn’t pressure me about the fact that I didn’t actually say it, but rather continued to tell me that he loved me and was patient. He knew I would tell him when I was ready.
One thing I’ve learned from my mom through the years is the art of showing people how much you care about them and how to make people feel special.
For Valentine’s Day I thought I’d get crafty and leave Steve a display of my “care” for him.
I had been working on a surprise during some of my free time at school. I used the die cut machine to cut out hearts and letters that read “Happy Valentine’s Day” so I could hang it on the mirror in his bathroom. I figured I wasn’t telling him “I love you” just yet, but he needed to know I thought he was wonderful. I also put a hand written note “Happy Valentine’s Day! I Licorice you,” on a heart. I knew he’d get my point.
While he was sleeping, I snuck over to his house and taped up my beautiful masterpiece so my message could be read as he looked in the mirror. I was so excited, but nervous. I thought for sure that every pull and tear of the scotch tape was going to wake him up for sure. Things always seem louder when you’re trying to be sneaky about it.
I pulled it off. Operation Valentine was complete. He was sound asleep and I managed to escape without being noticed.
Steve had made dinner plans for the two of us so we could enjoy some quality time together. I loved our quality time. We would laugh and joke about everything and have in-depth conversations as well.
Gosh, he was so good at making me feel special. Through no prompting of my own, he signed us up to do “Couples Yoga.” A special Valentine’s Day yoga session, doing poses with my sweetheart.
Us two meatheads were going to give this yoga thing a go.
These poses were hilarious. As a meathead, you always try to muscle your way through things and if something is hard, you grin and bear it.
Not only did we have to figure out how to maintaing stability in these poses individually, but we also had to work together as one cohesive unit. If either of us tried to do something on our own, our whole pose would be thrown off and we’d fall over.
Although it may seem like a silly exercise, trying something adventurous together that day was good because it challenged our communication. We came up with a game plan and then gave it a shot.
Often times in relationships we assume that what we are thinking is obvious. Maybe you are in a current situation of frustration simply because there was a lack of communication.
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” -George Bernard Shaw
One challenge for you today is to reflect on the communication in your relationships. Are you holding a grudge or letting a miscommunication negatively impact your relationships?If so, clarify your feelings with that person. Try to explain your thought or idea using different language and if you feel as though you have been misunderstood, clarify what you meant. Sometimes using an analogy helps to refine what you were trying to say.
I also want to challenge you to go the extra mile to show the people you care about that you love them. Whether it is a love text, a phone call, or voluntarily doing an activity that they love, you can always brighten someone’s day by showing love.
Infinity, a word that described my car and the duration of my car payment
At one point I was the proud owner of a 2008 Lincoln LS; a four-door sedan with a V8 engine that I loved.
This car was pretty, and pretty much a ball of trouble ever since the day I bought it, or rather since my dad helped me buy it.
I was so excited the day I got my Lincoln. I had always received the hand-me-down car from my sister. My first car was a maroon four door Buick Skylark that had what my sister and I called a snowplow grill. It was equipped with everything a teenage girl could want…power locks and a cassette player!
My brother, sister and I would ride to school in that thing, leaving the house with just enough time to get to school tearing down the gravel road with a cloud of dust trailing behind us. Heaven forbid we arrive to school early!
My brother and I would fight over who got to ride shotgun. We’d yell “shotgun” and then race out of the house to claim position in the passenger seat. You had to lock the door from preventing the other sibling from pulling you out of position.
My brother was a pesky little sneak. I’d call shotgun, put my backpack in the front seat, and then realized I forgot something. I knew I had to hustle because little Scruffy was a pest, waiting for his opportunity to pounce on my position as co-pilot.
I’d go back outside only to find him sitting in the front seat, my backpack on the driveway. There he sat with his smug little grin staring back at me. I attempted to open the door, and he beat me to the power lock button. The smug face turned into a rub-it-in your face, tongue out celebration. Jerk!
We had our regular jams we’d listen to on the cassette tape and belt out as we blazed down the gravel road. “Piano Man” by Billy Joel and “Goodbye Earl” by the Dixie Chicks. We still reminisce about it today.
My Skylark was followed up by a teal green, Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme, then a Lincoln LS. My LS caused my dad and I many headaches with both engine and transmission problems. I figured I was going to give up on this car before it gave up on me. That’s for sure.
So one day Steve and I decided it was time to go car shopping. Steve helped me decide what car to buy and what to do with my Lincoln. His idea was to buy my LS from me so he could give it to his parents. A win win for everyone.
It was just like to Steve to think of others before himself, especially his parents. He loved them so much and always wanted to make sure they had what they needed. He actually moved back to Minnesota because his mother was ill. She had/has a terminal heart condition. Being that he was an only child, he uprooted himself from his California lifestyle to come back to Minnesota to take care of her.
So there I was, in the market for a new car. I didn’t have enough money to buy a reliable car. I’ve always liked classy cars, and as you know, with classiness comes and expensive price tag.
I wanted something sharp like my Lincoln, but better. It was then Steve and I went to a local dealership and I purchased a 2008 Infinity G35X. Now that was a hot car!
If you know anything about Steve, he could be a tad impulsive and liked nice things just like me, and I was naïve in my finances at the time. I wanted this specific car even though I had no business “making a purchase” of a car I could not afford.
When I say I could not afford it, I made the decision to drive away with this vehicle after putting ZERO DOLLARS DOWN, which meant my payment was ridiculous! I didn’t own my car the lenders owned me!
We spent hours working out a deal and I got the car I wanted.
We then drove away from the dealership feeling great about my new wheels, but I have to admit I was feeling overwhelming feelings of buyer’s remorse. What in the world did I just do?
I was dating an older man; surely he knew something about this car buying process that I didn’t, didn’t he?
Have you ever made a purchase and later had buyer’s remorse? If so, what was it and how did you handle the situation?
Strength In Weakness
After returning home from nationals, I felt like I could finally relax. I didn’t have to maintain such a rigorous training schedule and diet. This was also time to reflect on everything. From my training prep, my competitions and life in general.
It was back to normal life. Steve and I still had our regular after school training sessions together. I looked forward to training with him so much. It was the best part of my day.
Besides the fact that he was my boyfriend, I couldn’t wait to see my smiley sassy-faced man and to hear what smart aleck remark was going to come out of his mouth.
He always had something witty to say, which only made me more drawn to him. You see, I’m a sassy girl at heart, and our relationship always had this healthy banter. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
It wasn’t the type of back and forth rip on each other interaction where you were left feeling irritated. It was flirtatious in nature, not only in our speech, but also in the looks we’d exchange. Steve would make a comment and the moment I heard it, it was as if some switch was turned on inside of me that caused me to raise my eye-brows and respond with an, oh really, attitude.
It was the same way when we’d work out. Steve knew how to push me to the fringe of my breaking point, but we both knew I’d rise to any challenge he’d send my way. There would be no way that I’d give him the satisfaction of me giving up. That wasn’t going to happen. Each session I felt like I was proving what I was made of to Steve, but in all actuality, I was growing stronger and stronger physically, mentally and spiritually.
He pushed me like no one could and helped me to truly believe I can/could do anything. He reinforced what God says about me, that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13
Steve may not have known or recognized the depth of impact his training had on me. In my moments of weakness, I was reminded and humbled that when I am weak, Jesus is strong and that I truly need to depend on HIS STRENGTH.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
So there I was, in a relationship with a man who built me up, who reinforced what God said about me, who cheered me on, comforted me in the hardest moments of my training. He spoke life into me, or as I called him, “my biggest cheerleader.” Not only because he was the person in my life that encouraged me the most, but because he was the biggest–my meathead. He even had some cheerleader capabilities physically.
We had just finished our own boxing workout in the MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) room. I was stretching and of course Steve was not. I was making fun of his lack of flexibility. He said “oh yeah?”
It was then that my meathead some how jumped into the air, legs in the straddle position, launching his 225 frame off the ground and touched his toes. He landed and I was speechless. He had me beat. How on earth could he do a Russian jump better than me!
Because he was Steve, that’s how.
I’ll never forget during the final weeks of show prep, I was at Steve’s house and we were just lying on his bed. I was completely exhausted. I was in the most grueling part of my training. I had to make drastic changes in my training and diet that were draining me on all levels.
I was lying in his arms, and out of nowhere, I started to cry.
“Babe, what’s wrong?” he asked.
Sniffling I replied with a nasally, “I don’t know.”
Tears streamed down my face and Steve looked at me, pulled me in close and chuckled, “oh honey.”
“I don’t even know why I’m crying, I can’t even control it right now,” I said with a whimper.
In that moment being in his arms was just the comfort that I needed. I knew that I was secure there and that everything would be okay. I’d make it through this rough patch. I was an emotional wreck who needed the strength and comfort of something bigger than myself and in actuality, something bigger than Steve.
Me, alone…I’m not enough.
When it comes down to it, I’ve learned that my own strength will never be enough no matter what I’m facing. I can’t muscle my way through a physical obstacle without God’s strength. I can’t grin and bear a tough situation without God’s strength. I can’t bite my tongue in an argument when all I really want to do is throw a jab, without God’s strength.
I know I’m a tough cookie, but my strength is no match for the strength I have in Christ. He gives me power for strength and power for poise.
As I said before, I like training for figure because it challenges me spiritually. I rely on Jesus on my good days and even more so when I feel depleted, tired, worn out, exhausted, discouraged, and every other emotion that comes with being human. My human strength will never be enough and Jesus will be there to bridge that gap if we let HIM. Besides, any strength I have comes from Him to begin with…He’s my source.
God has done great things in my life. He’s freed me of the bondage of my sin and made me whole from the inside out. He’s given me a solid foundation, filled me with love, joy, hope and continued peace.
I have and continue to experience what HIS LOVE and HIS GRACE has done in my life. I know that I’ve only life I’m only experienced a sliver of the beautiful things He has planned for me.
Regardless of where you’re at in life, what you’re doing, your position, status, past, present, or future, God is always trying to do something through you. Or as the saying goes, God can take your mess and turn it into a message.
We have the choice of choosing where we want to dwell, for when we dwell somewhere, we’re choosing a place to be, a mindset or an area of focus.
Instead of trying to find fleeting comfort in who we are alone, I challenge you to dwell in the confidence and strength that only He can provide, for HIS STRENGTH is made perfect in YOUR WEAKNESS.
A National Stage
I was 12 days out from stepping on to a national stage in Atlanta. This would be my quickest turnaround from one show to the next, and my biggest event to date.
I had an evening to celebrate the win and then it was back to the drawing board; maintaining my diet and tightening my physique up even more.
Before nationals Steve and I had several conversations about getting a sponsorship for figure. He looked at me with a smile on his face, “what are you talking about, I am your sponsor!”
We both laughed. He had trained me for free, bought our supplements; we cooked together…that pretty much covers all major bases. I ended up not pursuing that route.
This was the first time I’d be competing out of state. Most people check luggage that has shoes, clothes and everything else you need. I had a checked bag that contained all my food portioned out for the final three days, plus ice packs to keep it all cold.
I was excited for this trip. I wasn’t going alone. I had my partners in crime, Steve and Mel there for support.
We arrived in Hot-lanta, and checked in to the hotel. It was time for NPC Nationals!
I was in awe! This place was a central hub full of people with orange skin, carrying gallons of water and coolers. I had never seen so many fascinating physiques in one location at a time. I was thrilled to not only experience this culture, but to be one of the athletes competing that weekend.
I had an athlete meeting Thursday night in which we received our athlete gift bags, competitor numbers and heights and weights (for bodybuilders) were checked.I wouldn’t be stepping on stage until Saturday morning. I had a whole day of waiting.The three of us attended part of the competitions on Friday night, but we went to bed early because tomorrow would be a big day.
I woke up at 5:00 to start getting ready for the show. My manager, (Mel) always helps me with my hair and make up.
Before I left for nationals, I decided I wanted my hair longer, therefore, I needed extensions in my hair. Well, if I’m going to have extensions, so is my sister! We have this thing where if we’re out and about shopping and we find something we think the other sister will like, we buy it. For example, I bought two of the same bracelets one time and when we noticed we both have them on, we say “sister bracelets” in unison. Weird I know. We’ve bought several other “sister” things, for example we both bought the same pair of sandals, those are our “sister sandals.”
My mom is a hair stylist, so we make regular trips with her to get supplies for her salon. I was on the hunt for extensions and I found exactly what I wanted. My sister was spontaneously in the market for extensions that day as well.
Introducing, “Jessica.” A clip in extension helmet-type hairpiece that gives you instant length and body, so you can enjoy long healthy locks, made by Jessica Simpson.
I found the perfect blonde one, and Mel found one that was black and we made the sister purchase. These two salt and pepper hair pieces became know as “Jessica.” We both tested out these hairpieces before we went to Atlanta, making sure we had our hairstyles down. They worked best when you wore your hair down so you wouldn’t have to worry about the clips showing.We’d be getting ready to go somewhere and I’d ask her, are you wearing “Jessica?” It became our little joke, and no one knew what we were talking about.
Mel proceeded to help me do my hair, clipping in my Jessica, and then I helped her put in her Jessica. I put my suit on, did my makeup and I was ready to rock the stage.
I hugged them both, and then disappeared through the “athlete only” zone. I thought I was prepared for nationals, but you wouldn’t believe what some of the other competitors bring with them.Suitcases stocked full of food, beauty supplies, pins, makeup, full- length mirrors, extra heels, you name it, they had it all. I saw different athletes with their sweatsuits on repping their team apparel. I wasn’t part of a team, I was my team.
This was my first time competing at this level. In the Minnesota competitions I’ve been in, there are usually 8-10 competitors in any given height class. At nationals, there were 40 women in my class D category alone.
The goal when you step on stage is to be moved closer to the center of the stage. The closer to the center you are, the better your chance is for making callbacks. They take the best competitors within a specific height class and then have those competitors step out together and go through the poses again to narrow down the number of competitors and to determine the overall winner of that height class.
I was not one of the competitors called back. I really had no idea what to expect. I don’t know how they even begin to narrow things down with that many physiques to evaluate. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was bummed about it. I had put in SO MANY HOURS of training and dedicated my time to this particular day. In the end, I know that I brought the best physique I ever had to nationals that day and I”m very thankful for that.
I was pleased with how my body peaked for nationals and I’m thankful for the experience I gained through my first taste of the big stage.
Mel, Steve and I celebrated and went out for dinner at a place similar to Fogo De Chao. I sampled almost every type of meat they offered and they use the same green means go, red means stop cards at our table. We were stuffed, but happy to celebrate after long weekend.
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