dating

Flashback-May 20, 2010

The next date that stands out in my mind was when we went downtown Minneapolis to the restaurant SEVEN. Steve picked me up at my house and had made reservations to sit on the rooftop patio.

I was nervous because I felt like this date had a higher importance to it. It was definitely a more romantic setting, but yet casual at the same time. Our conversations were different. They lacked the casual sarcastic humor like we had at the gym and this setting created opportunity to dive deeper than surface level conversation.

We both shared about our backgrounds. Steve was an only child, from Austin, MN. A complete sports nut and natural athlete in football, hockey and baseball.  He was a linebacker at Augsburg College for two years.

I shared the basic info about me being a farm girl, college, athletics and my family.

It was then that we dove into our thoughts about dating. I’ll never forget how I “laid down the law” in terms of my dating expectations. I know at the time I felt like I had to get my expectations out there so there wouldn’t be any confusion about the type of woman I was and what I was all about. Being that Steve was older than me, I wasn’t sure of what his “older man” dating expectations were quite yet, so I decided to let mine be known.

“I think everything has order. I don’t want to have sex before I’m married, I don’t want to have children before I’m married.”

“When things get out of order, things gets messy and God planned it that way for a reason.”

There! I said it!  I let him known that in no way shape or form were we going to have sex.  I didn’t feel the need to let him know because he hadn’t attempted to or anything like that. I just wanted my cards to be on the table and he could decide what his move would be from that point.

To be honest, I wasn’t sure whether or not he was onboard with my way of thinking. All I knew was that I was relieved to put that out there. He could take this new information and decide whether or not he wanted to take it or leave it.

I’ve always believed that the man I was supposed to be with would find value in who I was and what I stood for. Of course you have to compromise in relationships, but there are things that are negotiable and things that are not.

Not liking the same type of food-negotiable (as long as it’s healthy of course).

Having a difference in opinion in sports teams-negotiable.

Having a difference in faith-non-negotiable.

Sex before marriage-non-negotiable.

It’s not that I have an expectation of perfection, because the Lord knows I’m not perfect. You extend grace to one another because that’s what Jesus does for us, but at the same time that doesn’t mean you’re a doormat and accept heartbreak one punch in the face at a time either.

You have to know when to fight and what is worth fighting for, and when to tap-out. Some times what started as a healthy fruitful relationship can end up being the worst form of poison, slowly eating away at who you are one bite at a time.  Any relationship that eats away at you isn’t a healthy one.

I started praying for my husband a long time ago. “Lord, wherever my husband is help him to make good decisions and keep molding him into the man you designed him to be.”

I always wondered whom I would marry. I even made lists with all the qualities of a husband that I wanted. This helped me navigate through the dating world and helped me to identify what I felt I needed to be my best. I’ll share my list with you.

Regardless of what we think we need in a mate, God always knows what’s best. He has a funny way of putting people and experiences in our lives that reveal more about our character and more about who He is. His plan for our lives is even better than the one we could write for ourselves. The key is to trust Him through it all.