I was dating a man that was going to be a dad. How in the world was I going to deal with this bomb that was dropped on me? He was going to be the father to a child he had with another woman. Could I handle the life-long connection that we’d be forced to have with this other woman? If I stayed with Steve and we got married, that meant I’d be a step-mom…me a step-mom? Can my heart handle all of this and do I actually want to welcome this into my life?
I had flashbacks to our date at Seven downtown Minneapolis. I told him
I think everything has order. I don’t want to have sex before I’m married, I don’t want to have children before I’m married.When things get out of order, things gets messy and God planned it that way for a reason.
I did the math, and Steve knew he was going to be a dad well before the date in which I “laid down the law.” I couldn’t imagine what was going through his mind as those words came out of my mouth.
I also couldn’t understand why he thought he’d continue to pursue me even though he knew what my stance was. There would never be an easy transition of telling me the truth, yet he never jumped ship.
I wasn’t just dealing with the reality of what the situation was and my feelings about it, but I couldn’t begin to imagine if I chose to continue in this relationship, how would I ever tell my parents? All of this was so against what I’ve stood for all my life.
It’s not that I look down on people that have children out of wedlock, but I don’t agree with it. There is a reason why God says no to sex before marriage. Some people view that as his way of “sucking the fun” out of your relationship, or “it’s my right to do what I want” but really it’s God’s way of providing a hedge of protection for our hearts.
God tells us in Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Why unite yourself as one body with someone to that level of intimacy without having God’s blessing to do so?
My thoughts on sex before marriage also looked like this: if getting married to me right now scares you, then there’s no way I’m going to have sex with you. If you’re not ready for that level of commitment, then you’re definitely not ready for that level of intimacy. You do not have permission to cross my threshold.
This stance doesn’t come from a place of arrogance, but rather identity in Christ. He has gone before me, been tempted in every way, yet he never failed. He knows the lengths that Satan goes to tempt us, but no matter how much you love someone or think you do in that season of that particular relationship, God will bless you much more in your obedience to him, instead of you satisfying your own human desires.
Now this situation was less than ideal, but I do know that even in this mess, God had a plan.
I prayed about our relationship and asked God to guide me and show me what He wanted for my life. Could this really be His plan for me? I wanted Him to make it obvious as to what my steps forward would be. I had countless conversations with Mel (my sister) about all of this and I didn’t have an immediate answer.
I continued to pray…